Training and such.

Work. I have a good job, but have fallen behind the qualifications of the position that I was hired for because I during my previous jobs I did not have the training required. Now I am forced to try and cram all that training into my head quickly, while using that same training to get the jobs done and out the door at the same time. Do you see the paradox? I have a large learning curve with no time to learn anything. Must get the job done. Must watch the budget. Why did you not think of this? Why are you taking so long? Over and over and over again!!!

After much soul searching, I am not sure I am the right person for private practice. Some people can do well with that type of schedule, but it seems like all it does to me is run me down very quickly. It is all very frustrating. I want to do the best job I can, but what if you best isn't enough for the people you work with? The whole idea of busting my ass for weeks, just to barely get a project in on time and then do it again the next week is starting to weigh on me.

After having a not-so-nice conversation with your superiors, how can you not be nervous almost everytime you come into the office? You try and try, come in on the weekends to try an catch up, but somehow feel that the other shoe will drop soon and you will be out? Again, the frustration of trying and doing your best, but not having it be good enough for the company you presently work for. It is the whole grey-area that just frustrates and infuriate me.

I enjoy this job for the most part and I work for some intelligent and interesting people. I live in one of the greatest cities in the world, yet do not seem to enjoy it. It may be time to move back to where I was working around six years ago. Those that know me will remember where that is. I would hate to leave SD, but I am really starting to think that a fresh start would be good. After the divorce, as amiable as it was, things have just not been the same. I ran into an old buddy from that aformentioned city in NoCal, and he said that everyone I used to roll with was still there, still healthy, and were wondering what I had been up to. It would be easy to start again there, and it is more than a little exciting to think about. I try not to pin my hopes on it, but find myself more and more hoping, praying that it will happen. A return to Public Service may just be what the doctor ordered. Also to go back to NoCal and start again. How many people get that type of chance???

Bottom line I guess of this rambling script is that if you are not happy where you are and with what you are doing, then you owe it to yourself to do something about it. I have taken steps to do just that. I miss being happy personally and professionally. I will be again. Hopefully soon.

However, that being said, I am making the most of what I have here. I will continue to bust my ass to prove myself and to train in the areas I need to. Saturdays will be there in the future to goof off on, but for now, I study and train on my computer.