Thoughts from 2006 and hopes for 2007....

Ah, another year gone.

As think of that, I reflect on what I did and what happened in the past year. I got divorced, moved away from my beloved San Diego, and came back to Northern California to an old job. It was a good decision financially and also for my stress level, which was off the hook at my job in SD. I had a great office downtown, a view of the Coronado Bridge and Coronado Island, Petco Park (Padres play there) and the Pacific Ocean. I made good money and lived in arguably the greatest city in the country. But you know, it is not worth your health, and the stress was literally making me sick. I was not sleeping, not eating right, and was in the office way to much (average 55-60 hours a week). Some people can do that and be happy and fine. I couldn't. Coming back to Stockton was the right move in many ways. I still had friends here, and knew that I was welcome back to my old job. Life seems a little slower here and that suits me just fine.

Getting diviorced was difficult. Even though it was very amicable with my ex and the process only took a few weeks, it is one thing to prepare yourself for something and totally another to have to live through it. Thoughts of not being good enough, what could I have done differently and why did I not do them, and my confidence really took a hit. Almost a year later, I am feeling better about myself and am content to take things day by day. I have found someone to buddy around with once in awhile, but neither of us are taking it very seriously. Coincidentally, two friends of mine also got divorced in '06, so we are a nice support group for each other.

I prefer to look at 2006 not for where I have been but how far I have come. As for 2007, I do not make "resolutions" per se. I figure you will do something b/c you have to or you want to. Goals I have are to continue to lose weight and keep cutting into my debt. Also, to pray, beg , and sacrifice any number of small animals I have to in order for the San Diego Chargers to win the Super Bowl.

It seems like it has been a long time since I can look upon a new year with excitement and anticipation. I like the feeling.

The best to all of you.....

Your Commissioner

The more things change........

There is an old saying: "You can't go home again".

I have found a way to disagree with this.

I have decided to leave San Diego for Stockton. I used to live in Stockton, and enjoyed it very much. I still have a large social circle there and am looking forward to seeing them again. The best microbrewery I have ever been at is there, and I love the proximity to Lake Tahoe, Sacramento, and San Francisco. I think most of all though, is that it is still a relatively small city, one that I can get out of town when I choose to.

I miss wide open spaces. I miss farmland that you can look at to the horizon. I never thought that I would say that since I have wanted to live in San Diego my whole life, but it is true.

Stockton was home before, and it will be home again. I am not naive enough to think that everything will be the same, it won't, but the adventure of finding out what has changed and what remains the same is the exicting part.

People call me crazy for leaving southern California.

Yes, you can go home again, and I can't wait. I will always love San Diego, but at heart I am a small town boy. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out fo the boy.

Training and such.

Work. I have a good job, but have fallen behind the qualifications of the position that I was hired for because I during my previous jobs I did not have the training required. Now I am forced to try and cram all that training into my head quickly, while using that same training to get the jobs done and out the door at the same time. Do you see the paradox? I have a large learning curve with no time to learn anything. Must get the job done. Must watch the budget. Why did you not think of this? Why are you taking so long? Over and over and over again!!!

After much soul searching, I am not sure I am the right person for private practice. Some people can do well with that type of schedule, but it seems like all it does to me is run me down very quickly. It is all very frustrating. I want to do the best job I can, but what if you best isn't enough for the people you work with? The whole idea of busting my ass for weeks, just to barely get a project in on time and then do it again the next week is starting to weigh on me.

After having a not-so-nice conversation with your superiors, how can you not be nervous almost everytime you come into the office? You try and try, come in on the weekends to try an catch up, but somehow feel that the other shoe will drop soon and you will be out? Again, the frustration of trying and doing your best, but not having it be good enough for the company you presently work for. It is the whole grey-area that just frustrates and infuriate me.

I enjoy this job for the most part and I work for some intelligent and interesting people. I live in one of the greatest cities in the world, yet do not seem to enjoy it. It may be time to move back to where I was working around six years ago. Those that know me will remember where that is. I would hate to leave SD, but I am really starting to think that a fresh start would be good. After the divorce, as amiable as it was, things have just not been the same. I ran into an old buddy from that aformentioned city in NoCal, and he said that everyone I used to roll with was still there, still healthy, and were wondering what I had been up to. It would be easy to start again there, and it is more than a little exciting to think about. I try not to pin my hopes on it, but find myself more and more hoping, praying that it will happen. A return to Public Service may just be what the doctor ordered. Also to go back to NoCal and start again. How many people get that type of chance???

Bottom line I guess of this rambling script is that if you are not happy where you are and with what you are doing, then you owe it to yourself to do something about it. I have taken steps to do just that. I miss being happy personally and professionally. I will be again. Hopefully soon.

However, that being said, I am making the most of what I have here. I will continue to bust my ass to prove myself and to train in the areas I need to. Saturdays will be there in the future to goof off on, but for now, I study and train on my computer.

Kudos ....

Many kudos to J-Dawg for doctoring my site here with the links I wanted.

I am glad one of us knows how to use a computer, I can barely turn mine on....

You're the best !!

-Commish

J-Dawg ....

J -

I got your Raiders fan RIGHT HERE !!!!!

Just remember that you are now and will always be my Bitch......

The Commissioner

Work, work, work

Again - A very long week in the office. I am here on a Saturday at 9:00 am. Fun.

I will be here half the day giving me about 67 hours for the week. Thankfully we submit on Monday.

Signed my divorce papers on Tuesday. Very surreal. It is the right thing to do, but is still strange to think about sometimes. Feels weird to be single.

I cannot believe that it is the middle of February already. Start your Christmas shopping NOW.

It is also Girl Scout Cookie time. Check out a previous post from last year. I am only ordering two boxes this year, down from five last year.

Peace

The Commish.

Something New/Something Screwed (?)

Changed the background of the site today. I thought that a shake up was in order.

As for getting screwed....Seattle in the Super Bowl:
Hey Seattle - how about not shooting yourselves in the foot next time? Do not EVEN say the officials screwed you, when you have the stupid penalties you did, dropped passes, and absolutely HORRENDOUS clock management you did, you deserve to lose. Pittsuburgh made three big plays in the game. Where was your D ????? Props to the 'Burgh for doing what they needed to do and winning DESPITE the play of their QB.

Seattle, you lost. Deal with it. Come back next year and try to prove to us all again that you are an elite team and not some also-ran from the NFC.

Professionally - 61 hours in the office last week. Damn, it sucks to be popular.......

The Commish.